i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
