I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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