so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
