If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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