apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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