I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
