I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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