Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
