I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
