it was like his penis was on wheels.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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