I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
