ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
