Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
