he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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