Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
