so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just found puke in my bra..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I am available for nakedness
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
