alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
