I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
