you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
