Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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