It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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