ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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