dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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