just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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