If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
