is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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