i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
