Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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