My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
