I heard we made out
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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