You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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