Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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