Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
