Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Randomize
