I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
