you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
