haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she looked like the before picture.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
