hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
