I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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