Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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