i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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