So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
