Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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