Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
where are my eyebrows?
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