And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
