you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
birth control should be required to get into college
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
