I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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