Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
