She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Randomize
