i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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