im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
