Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
