I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you didnt know i had herpes?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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