You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
