You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Do vagina's smell?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
