i need an iv and a liver transplant
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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