Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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