Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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