so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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