no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
