There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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