The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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