What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
