It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
