dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize