First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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