I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
