She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
