To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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