And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
