im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
