Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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