I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
we're so committed to being not committed
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
