just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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